Oh! Let me begin with a disclaimer. I’ll try to not make this post a feminist rant. But the catch is, I know nothing better. As I can’t kick the shit out of the misogynist folks around me, I write the shit out of them. Accept that after all I am a flawed human, very much as you are. Writers are not necessarily good human beings as most of you assume. Most writers live with their own demons — in my case, my demon is my hatred for copy-cat misogynist wanna-be Angrez folks. You know the ones who don’t know the difference between a duchess and a countess, but would love to have English breakfast too often too much! Yeah, you gotcha — that kinds.
I mean, the desi daal-chawal kind that I am, c’mon, I don’t know too much about British royalty. Though I am neck deep into a lifestyle that’s a cheap replica of the royalty, I prefer remaining a ‘commoner’. It appeals more to my middle-class, hardworking mentality, I guess. But, somehow, from the little I know and the little-st I can comprehend about the British royal family, I love Princess Margaret and Diana, the Princess of Wales, more than the Princess Royal, Anne, and may be even the queen. The rebel streak in Princess Di, which kicked the memsahib out of the royal culture, makes me like her a little more than Queen, Margaret, Anne, Catherine, and Meghan — all combined. You know, Princess Di was as much a lady in a pair of jeans as she was in a beautiful evening gown. While it might come as an utter surprise to many copy-cat misogynist wanna-be Angrez folks around me, Princess Di never draped a saree in her life – yet she was termed as one of the finest ladies the British royalty has ever seen. So, fact-check, “Saree – Chiffon, Cotton, or Silk – is just a garment, not a cover for your uncouthness”.
Anyway, let’s leave the British royalty aside for a while. Many of you know that I make a living out of writing some technical mumbo-jumbo. 8 years into writing the mumbo-jumbo, I have learned (or learnt) little bit of Angrezi (ah! unfortunately, not the UK one). So, now with this little learning, I am a little too sensitive about how I am addressed in this language. For example, if you are not my boss and you tell me you NEED some information from me, trust me, I am going to turn a deaf ear to your COMMAND until you REQUEST. But the copy-cat misogynist wanna-be Angrez folks living in a pseudo monarchy often forget the humble mannerism that British brought along with their language. They ORDER too often and too much. Though the inspiration I draw from Princess Di encourages me to blow the lid off their half-baked stupidity (yeah, even that’s bloody half baked), I resort to sarcasm because who the hell wants to mud-sling with pigs!
The other thing that irks me today and too often is the class superiority. When someone says — “People beneath me, thy welfare i shalt doth”, I want to shake them up and say, “Vraiment madame? Do a favor to your life first. First learneth a few things f’r thyself!” But then, I am too busy learning for myself. You see, life is short and there is too little time to multi-task, anyway! Taking care of the well-being of others is a little too down on my priority list for this lifetime.
But as most rant must conclude, here is how I wrap it — “Liveth and alloweth leaveth, prithee”! While in modern English, it might translate to “Live and Let Live”, I intend the urban slang version of it, which would roughly translate to, “You wipe your shit, I’ll wipe mine. Thank You.”