Finally, I spoke my mind in a job interview! #FakePost #ParallelWorld

For someone like me who hates meeting new people and making new friends, networking for a job is not an easy thing. So, all the new (read few) job opportunities that come to me are either purely based on my talent (I heard your ouch!) or impressive profile (I spent an entire weekend working on it!) posted on various employment websites. Also, the fact that I am sitting here in the Himalayan foothills gives me the much needed motivation to let go of the new job opportunities for which I am asked to take an assignment, do a sample write-up or talk to more than 3 people in a week before being offered the job. After all this drama, if I am able to get a few interesting  (few!) opportunities, I prefer not taking the interviews on Tuesdays,  Thursdays and Saturdays (The Delhi in me believes in Odd-Even strongly!).

But recently, a prospective employer suggested that there was no hurry at their end and I can speak to them whenever I was ready. I liked the ‘no hurry’ attitude and made a mental note to wait for a couple of weeks before I called them back. Three days later, someone from the prospective employer’s team called me again and asked me if I can be ready for a Skype interview in the next 30 minutes (I wish I knew the new ‘corporate forever’ promise came with a 3-days expiry period!). Reluctantly, I agreed to wash my face, change into a formal shirt and sit in front of my laptop to talk to someone whose name sounded strangely unfamiliar. But this time, I had made up my mind to put no facade and just speak my mind irrespective of whether or not I get the job (By the way, results still awaited.).

Given below is the transcript of the interview:

Interviewer: Hello! Good evening!

Me (Frantically looking for a wall clock around!): Oh evening! (I had left the bed only after the lady on the phone said ’30-minutes to catch the train’.)

Interviewer: How are you today?

Me (Trying to control the ADD problem): Usual! Like everyday! Did not realize what time it was when I got up. Still a little confused about the time zone you are calling from, but I guess I am supposed to say I am fine. Thank you!

Interviewer: So, you are in Sikkim?

Me (Looking for my glasses now, bloody, which Firang  knows about Sikkim!): Uh huh! How do you know? (Bloody myopia!)

Interviewer: Your resume says Ravangla, Sikkim.

Me: Oh! Yes! I am there. Do you know where in India is Sikkim?

Interviewer: I googled it just before the interview.

Me: Well! I am not in Gangtok.

Interviewer: Did you say you can’t talk?

Me: No! I guess it’s the internet connection! I am in Ravangla, Sikkim and you have googled the place already! Nice! Wish I googled the company before I got on the call as well.

Interviewer: So, Richa, tell me something about yourself.

Me: No! Please! Don’t do this. Spare me this part of the interview. Everything that you need to know is on the CV that you already have and you have googled the city where I live. I don’t know what to talk about myself. An interesting piece of trivia that not many know is that I was born before the due time (profusely sweating by now!) Can we now move on to the next question, please ?

Interviewer: So, you are a medical student who chose to pursue Mass Communications later…

Me: You know what I had enough of this convincing shit with my parents for switching streams. If you are waiting for me to justify what I did – well! we are done then! No, wait, you are the kind of people who stop people from pursuing their dreams. You – the Engineer maker type – I hate you already!

Interviewer: Okay, then, tell me about your job experience.

Me: Dude, I spent an entire weekend trying to document the 6-odd years of work experience. Can you stop behaving like me and read what you are supposed to read before coming for the interview instead of wasting your time looking for exotic locations on Google!

Interviewer: Okay, I see you got some wonderful reference notes from your colleagues!

Me: What do you mean? Just because you can see a gun on the table doesn’t mean I force people to recommend me! That’s my husband’s! Licensed. Okay.

Interviewer: Tell me something about your family.

Me: I have two dogs. They are lovely. They love me unconditionally. I read this website called DogSpots everyday so that I can make life better for my dogs. The black one is naughty; the brown one is obedient. Do you like watching funny dog videos? I have quite a nice collection, you know!

Interviewer: So, you are a dog person.

Me: Here you go judgmental! See – I don’t hate cats. I don’t hate horses either. I just don’t like rats and ants. But I guess no one likes rats!

Interviewer: So, let me tell you about the role we are hiring for. It basically involves blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and communicating with people.

Me: First 5 points are okay. Communicating with people – how many times in a day? You mean meaningful, business-like conversations?

Interviewer: I guess!

Me: Uh, huh! Can I get back to you on this? (Unplug the LAN cable – my brain is whispering now!)

Interviewer: What’s your salary expectation?

Me: You know what – I am not good at this. My best friend does it for me even in the flea markets. As I am incapable of the negotiation bit, you know, just tell me how much salary you are planning to offer me without making me feel sorry about spending the whole weekend writing that CV on blah.com.

Interviewer: Great! My HR team will schedule the technical round of interview for tomorrow.

Me:  Excuse me! I have to talk to a new person and beg for this job again!

Interviewer: Bye! See you!

Me: Did you not say “Good evening Mrs. Bhaskar”! How disrespectful! Anyways, Good evening, gentleman!

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Learning a New Language? You will relate to these 5 things!

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Learning a new language is very interesting. It is like going back to kindergarten and getting introduced to a world full of new and wonderful words. I found it to have a therapeutic effect as well because as a learner my mistakes are welcomed before being corrected. However, sometimes, I tend to take these liberties too far and make silly mistakes. Here are the top 5 silly mistakes I have made while trying to learn French, a language I recently started learning:

Asking silly questions 

Identifying the correct “gender” of the subject is my biggest challenge while trying to frame a sentence. With a limited understanding of the language and unlimited confusions in my head, the silliest mistake I make is to mess up the gender of the subject. To avoid making this mistake, I generally clarify my doubts with my fellow classmates. I have even gone ahead to the extent of asking one of my classmates, “So, in this sentence, should I refer to you as an étudiante (female student) or étudiant (male student)?” I wonder if I took my confusion to a completely new level with this sentence.

Hilarious pronunciations 

To get the pronunciations correct is a challenge for anyone who is new to a language, but for someone like me whose accent anyways fluctuates between Bangla, Bihari, American English, Punjabi and Australian English (depending upon who I am talking to), “Juillet (July) – the month” becomes “Juliet of the Romeo-Juliet story” more often than it should.

Trying stupid ways to remember new words 

On an average, I am expected to learn 10 words a day. Now, with an adult brain which is anyways struggling to assimilate information from all quarters, it gets quite difficult for me to remember all the new words correctly. So, one of my classmates came up with an interesting way of remembering new words, which can be really helpful for anyone who is not forgetful as I am. My classmate suggested that I remember the French words, which I tend to forget as a funny English word that has an identical (or close to identical) pronunciation. So, “le printemps (the spring season)” becomes “the Phantom” sometimes.

Speaking funny and broken sentences

About a month into learning French, the only resources I have at my disposal are the basics of grammar and very little vocabulary. With these limited resources, I often feel like a 2 year old kid trying to explain a surge of complex emotions to the world even when I have to simply request someone for a pencil. Coherent and complete sentences are rare. More often than not I end up communicating in broken sentences like “Je suis une chanteuse, but not that good”, which loosely translates to “I sing but not too good” (I know I making horrible mistakes).

Shameless flaunting

While I completely aware of my limited understanding of the language, I believe a little bit of flaunting is absolutely harmless. So, I love to flaunt the very little that I have learnt so far. From updating a famous French proverb as a cover picture on my Facebook profile to watching a French movie without subtitles (and of course not understanding a word of it), I am guilty of showing off my newly acquired language skill quite shamelessly.

I am not sure how long it will take me to master this new language but in the course of learning it, I have discovered a childlike excitement in me. I have rewarded myself for the smallest achievements and discovered the joy of unadulterated happiness in life once again. I have also promised myself – a trip to Paris, the city of my dreams if I perform up to my expectations in this course (of course, conditions apply**).

11 Times I Wish I Had Snubbed People Instead Being Polite And Holding Back

Sometimes you feel like saying something disdainful when someone annoys you, but you don’t, because it would not be the polite thing to say. Right? Right!

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I believe a diplomatic smile is an appropriate answer to a lot of stupidity around. However, sometimes people manage to successfully step on my cool nerves by their ludicrous actions. I smile, say these little what-you-deserve-to-hear statements in my head and walk away! But sometimes I regret not saying them loud and clear.

Here is my choicest collection of recurring instances when I almost feel like speaking my mind:

When two people about to get married soon start posting a “Love you forever” status on social networking sites every two seconds. I wish to say:“Your baby might love you for forever and ever, but I might get violent if you do not stop driving me insane with your puppy love.”

When some family members get too excited about their baby’s first moments and literally post “shit” on family chat groups. I wish to say:“Brother, there are private chats and there are group chats. Please reserve your baby’s first poop photos for you and your wife’s private chats.”

When people irritate me with their unsolicited advice on how to dress up. I wish to say: “Well, you can wrap yourself in that bed sheet but please don’t insist on me to trying it! I am so not wearing what you want me to wear.”

When my husband tries to convince me that for once the upcoming family function is going to be exciting. I wish to say: “No. No. No. No. Can I please evaporate right now? I don’t want to be here in this moment. Wake me up when September ends!”

When relatives indirectly give examples and challenge me to cook. I wish to say “Sorry! I can’t cook and now that you have challenged me to compete with the best chef in the family, I have strongly, passionately decided to not try participate in Family’s top chef contest.”

When friends, neighbors, relatives look at my dogs with suspicion. I wish to say: “They are cleaner than you. Yes, they bark. They are not T. rex. If you want me to lock them before you step in my house, see you tomorrow at your house.”

When a lady-in-love posts every single I-am-in-love-with-your culture statement on every possible social networking site and tags everyone in her in-laws family to invite praises. I wish to say: “Darling! You don’t respect a culture just by flaunting your love for it. Ye public hai yeh sab jaanti hai (The public knows it all).”

When people who try hard to manipulate me to do something bizarre like picking up a fight. I wish to say: “I intently heard the crap for 40 minutes. I am still not convinced. Can you try another spin?”

When someone in their early 20s talks like my grandma. I wish to say: “Ah! Are you 24? At your age everyone is a know-it-all. I am bored but I won’t interrupt. Feel good about crossing puberty. You deserve happiness, darling! Peace! Peace!”

When people make the most insulting remarks and then try to get away by saying it was all in good fun. I wish to say:“Congratulations, you successfully pissed me off. I am going to curse you for next 30 days.”

When people complain that I insulted them by not reacting to whatever they said: “Lovely! You are offended. That’s exactly what I intended.”

However, you know, some things are better left unsaid. So, I smile and most of the time, it suffices!

Published @ http://www.womensweb.in/2016/02/11-times-i-wish-i-had-snubbed-people-instead-being-polite-and-holding-back/